Mother's Day is the hardest day of the year for me. There's not really a way to escape from it and during the weeks building up I keep thinking about what to get my mum and then remembering I can't get her anything. I have spent the day crying and mourning her, and I wasn't going to post a blog today but then I thought now would be the perfect time to share my happy memories of her and let everyone know how amazing she really was.
This morning I decided to scroll through her facebook and look at her previous posts and it just reminded me of how sweet she really was. The majority of her posts were about her family and how much she loved us or how proud she was of us. I found a couple I really liked:
"Spent a lovely night eating chocolate, watching The Proposal, Four Christmases and Love Actually with my little girl Shannen, perfect." I'd forgotten that she always called me her little girl, no matter how old I was and I remembered the film nights we used to share with each other and just spend some quality time together.
Another was "Good Luck Shannen for first day at City College, Norwich doing journalism. Proud of you. Love Mum xx" Everyone always tells me how proud she was/would be of me but it's nice to see it coming from her.
I also found a post about a family day out she was planning. For weeks she'd been talking about it and had got a frisbee for us to play with. For some reason my brother and I were talking about the frisbee on Facebook and mum had put 'don't worry I won't forget it.' It had been sitting next to the front door for ages and for some reason she was really excited about the frisbee. When we got there, we unloaded the car and to her dismay she had forgotten the frisbee. I couldn't stop laughing as the whole day had been centered around it and we'd talked about it for ages and then, bless her, she left it by the front door and it never got used!
My favourite thing about her is when I got hyper and was being silly she'd just laugh and seem to enjoy it. When other people would be embarrassed she still looked so proud. I never ever had to question our bond...we argued a lot and I wish I could take every mean word back..but even when we did argue it would be over in a few minutes and we'd be best friends again.
I remember a few weeks before she died I was having a typical girl meltdown and saying to her I wish I was prettier and thinner and looked like other girls. I remember saying 'I just wish I was perfect' and she looked me straight in the eyes and said "but you are perfect." I'll always treasure that memory and that one comment has given me so much confidence.
She gave us so many opportunities. I never remember her going out when we were little because shesaved every penny she had to take us to America and Turkey to visit our aunty and uncle and cousin. Even though I knew she couldn't afford it she scraped together money to send me to New York with the school and when it was my prom she made sure I got the dress I wanted. With some much needed pressure she helped me to behave at school, when I was on the verge of being kicked out and she inspired me to go to university and make something of myself.
On christmases she would spend the exact same amount on us - down to the penny. On my birthday she would give me a garden party and let me have as many people over as I wanted. Considering how clean she liked the house, she never complained about throwing me a party. On my 18th she had decorated the house for me.
She was so sweet and thoughtful and I'm sure there are many more stories I could tell you but I can't think of them all now. It makes me happy we have Red Wellies to not only raise Brain Tumour awareness but to also keep her memory alive.
So on this Mother's Day, if you are lucky enough to still have your mum, give her a hug or kiss or phone call and tell her how much you love her and appreciate every tiny detail about her.
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