What Would You Do?

I am joined to a forum on Facebook where the family members of a person suffering with GBM can go to talk and ask advice from people who have been in similar situations. While I have never posted on there, it feels less lonely to know that other people have been in the same situation. But it also doubles the heartbreak knowing that there are still thousands of people in the world suffering as my mum did and we're still not much closer to finding a cure.

While browsing through the forum I came across an interesting question. Having been to the Drs with her ill family member, a woman had stayed behind after the appointment to ask the doctor how long was left for them. He replied that there wasn't long. The question was do I tell them how long they have left?

This story probably got my attention as something similar happened with my mum. She had been to her consultation and my aunt had seen in the docotors face that if the next round of chemo didn't work mum wouldn't have long left. I have to check with my aunt, but I believe she told us what she knew but not my mum. I mean, how could you tell someone you love that they don't have long left?

I remember her telling me but I was in such denial that I ingored her (sorry Hayley!). It never even crossed my mind to tell mum, how was I going to tell her she didn't have long left when I didn't even believe it myself. My brothers were in the same boat, I don't know if they realise themselves but all three of us were in so much denial that we just didn't believe anything would happen to her.

My aunty and uncle couldn't tell her. She was there big sister. I've never asked them but I doubt they believed it either. And there was no way my grandparents could say that to their daughter.

But then would mum have wanted to know? We could have asked the Dr to talk to her, but would she actually want to know? Although she had this awful disease she was making the most of life and enjoying every day. Would it have stopped her fight right in it's tracks if we had told her? Would she have been able to take the news?

She very rarely spoke of her illness to me and only ever touched upon the subject of her not being once. So I don't know what she knew, I don't know if she could feel how ill she was or could see in our faces we knew something was up. But I couldn't bare for her to feel any of the fear I was feeling deep inside. If I could have taken all the fear in the world just to make sure she didn't feel any, I would have in a heartbeat.

Maybe she was doing the same. I know she'd have done anything for her family and she'd have taken on the world so we were okay. So maybe we were all hiding one big secret that we all knew.

But if I were going to give this lady advice I'd say don't tell them. I'd rather be making happy memories than having morbid talks. When mum got diagnosed I saw her suddenly get a thirst for life and she was constantly taking us somewhere or planning something. (She always took her camera with her and took photos of every tiny thing. Even them photos are a small comfort, I look at them and see something she enjoyed and wanted to capture).

 In her final week I saw her put up the strongest fight and even then when she was semi conscious she was fighting for her independence. I feel like this conversation would have put a dampner on her spark and maybe have given us even less time with her. What do you all think?